Porkemon Fan Fiction

This fan fiction contains some very offensive material, disgusting toilet humor, and mature themes. Readers who don’t take the internet seriously, please continue.

k so it starts out with ash ketchum being awake all night XD because his mother was in the other room with her new “boyfriend” XD and with the amount of screaming she did XD ash thought she was crying about the death of his porkemon Pijjey XD

so ash he decides to do something about it and walks in on his mom and rowly jefferson XD so then he goes into a comatose state XD then a few months later after hes out of a coma he finds out his mom is dead XD so he decides to find the seven dragon balls to revive her XD

heres chaptur 1

Ash’s Mom: Oh, do me from behind! YES, YES!!! LIKE THAT HONEY.
Guy: Oh, spank my hairy ass!
Ash: What the hell is going on in there?
Guy: I JUST CAME!!!
Ash: No shit you came over…

Two hours later

Ash’s Mom: That was the best session I’ve ever had!
Ash: MOM!!! What type of session was it?
Ash’s Mom: Oh honey, it was a dance session!
Ash: Oh, can I come in too watch?
Ash’s Mom: NO, ASH DON’T!!!!

Ash walks in.

Ash: WHAT THE **** IS THAT GIGANTIC ASS DOODLE DOING ON THAT GUY?!
Ash’s Mom: Ash, that’s his doodle.
Ash: How come mine isn’t anything like that?
Ash’s Mom: Oh Ash, you’re only ten!
Ash: Oh, well WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING TO YOUR BEHIND!
Ash’s Mom: OH, OH, OH, OH, YES, YES, YES!!! He’s making me quack!

Ash faints.
Ash wakes up in the hospital a week later.

Ash’s Mom: Oh, my dear beloved boy, you’re awake!
Ash: Mom, what happened?
Ash’s Mom: You fell down the stairs.
Ash: Oh.
Ash’s Mom: I’ll be back in a month or two, hehehe.
Ash: Okay, bye mom!

Ash’s Mom leaves to go get laid.

Ash awakes three months later, and is out of a coma.
Ash answers his phone.

Ash: Hello?
Dr. ChOak: Hello Ashton, your mother is dead.
Ash: Huh?!
Dr. ChOak: She died of psnuemaonly fsihcu. A rare and fatal sexually transmitted infection.
Ash: Is there any way I can revive her?
Dr. ChOak: Yes, you must find the seven dragon balls and defeat the almighty being!
Ash: I’LL DO IT!

end of chapter

Chapter 2.

Ash is walking from Pallet Town to Professor Hymen’s laboratory.

Ash: Good day.
Hymen: OMGAWSH, IS ASH.
Ash: Can I get a Porkemon pl0x?
Hymen: OYUSSIRE!
Ash: What the fuck are you saying?
Hymen: HEY YONODUNSWORE INMUHPLACE.
Ash: I’ll just take that- OMFG, IS THAT A PIKMINTENDO-ACHU?
Hymen: WAYYUSITAWS.
Ash: Shut the fuck up bitch.

Ash takes the Pik-achu. XD
Ash leaves Pallet Town to go to Viridian City where the first Dragon Ball lies.
Ash talks to an old man on the trail.

Ash: What’s that person staring at?
Old Man: He is waiting for a trainer to walk by.
Ash: Why?
Old Man: To have a Pokemon battle.
Ash: Oh.

Ash walks up to the person, pokes them, they do nothing, then he walks past.

Trainer: You looked at me funny! Let’s battle!

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash: NO, I’m not battling you.

BATTLE ENDS.

Ash tries to walk by.

Trainer: You look like a trainer! Let’s battle!
Ash: FUCK OFF!
Trainer: You used verbal obscenities! Let’s battle!
Ash: Oh, fuck sakes, fine.

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash sends out Pik-achu.
Trainer sends out Sy-duck. (XD get it?)

Ash uses scratch.
Pik-achu took it’s fist and shoved it down Sy-ducks throat, making Sy-duck beg for mercy, delivering a big swipe to the head, and then headbutting Sy in the nose to cause blood spit out from everywhere.

CRITICAL HIT!

Trainer uses slap.

Sy-duck runs up towards Pik, takes it’s hand, slaps it across the face, and then plants it’s beak around Pik’s head causing him to sufficate.

It’s not very effective.

Ash uses thunderbolt.

Pik-achu takes it’s tail, attracts lightning, and then sends it towards Sy, Sy explodes, with blood raining down from the air.

Trainer: NOOOOOOOO! SY-DUCK! I FUCKING HATE YOU, ASH KETCHUM! I WANT YOU DEAD FOR KILLING MY SY-DUCK!
Ash: I beat you, so give me $2683
Trainer: FINE, HERE YOU GO!
Ash: Bye! Very Happy
Trainer: Can I get your number so we can battle sometime?

End of chapter 2.

Chapter 3:Trainer: My name is Gary Motherfucking Oak.
Ash: No shit! My name is Ash Ketchum.
Gary: Nice to meet you Ash. I fuck mothers.
Ash: Cool!
Gary: Have you ever taken this type of pill that makes you all chill?
Ash: No, what is it?
Gary: It’s E. And I’m not referring to my penis.
Ash: Oookay. Well, I’m on my way to Viridan. Bye.
Gary: Call me you anal bagger!Ash continues to walk. He is walking in grass. BATTLE BEGINS.Ash: What the fuck?

WILD RESHIRAM APPEARED.

Ash: This’ll be a piece of cake.

Pik uses kick.
Pik takes it’s foot, shoves it up Reshiram’s rectum, causing Reshiram to have his prostate milked and ejaculate all over the newly painted fence, and then punches it in the throat.

CRITICAL HIT!

Wild Reshiram uses Aeroblast.
Reshiram calls forth the power of the gods, and blows a hypnotic light beam at Pik, causing Pik to faint.

Battle ends, Pik faints.

Ash: WHAT THE FUCK?! I WAS FIGHTING A LEVEL 100?
Random Trainer: Awcshually, iz a livil 101.
Ash: Huh?
Random Trainer: Reshoruhm is frum Unova aka the goyist rejun evar.
Ash: Oooooooooooooookay, I’m going now.

Ash runs to Viridian City hospital.

Ash: Can you please heal my Porkemon?
Hot Babe: Sure, anything for a cutey! Listen, I have a fetish for virgins, wanna have sex?
Ash: I have no idea what that means, but okay!

Ash and Hot Babe go into the back room with the bed.

Hot Babe: My name is Misty, by the way. You can have my bike! No need to steal it.
Ash: Okay, so what do we do?
Misty: Take off your clothes, and let me suck you off.

Ash takes off his clothes.
Misty takes off her clothes, and she has B cups, and a perfectly shaved pubic region.

Misty: Shaved is the expression.

Ash pops a boner, which is four inches.

Misty: Fuck it, you’re hard enough already! Now lay down, and let me do this voodoo urban magic!

Ash lays on the bed.
Misty jumps upon him, sticking Ash’s chode into her vagina, making Ash squeal like a pig.

Ash: GWAAAMBAUBBBAAAAA!
Misty: OH YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ash: This is awesome! What do you call it?
Misty: Vaginal intercourse, sex for short.
Ash: Sweet, I had sex!

Two hours later.
Misty has had seventeen orgasms. Ash has had none.

Ash: I feel like my doodle is about to puke, like it’s starting to throb!
Misty: Tee hee.
Ash: OOOOOOOH, YEAH!

Misty jumps off of Ash.

Ash: That was amazing, wanna do it anytime?
Misty: Sure! Now let me fix up your Pik-achu.
Ash: Okay!

Ash goes and waits in the lobby.
Misty sends Pik out.

Ash: PIK! You okay, bud?
Pik: PIKMINTENDO-ACHU.
Misty: Can I accompany you on your journey?
Ash: Hell yes!

End of chapter three.

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 Chapter Four:Ash and Misty go to Viridian Gym.
Ash walks up and challenges the leader, Brock Obama.Ash: I challenge you, Brock Obama to a Porkemon match! I need the first Dragon Ball.
Brock: You have courage, son, I have raised all my little brothers and sisters, my parents were always doing it, never safely, and now they fucked off, so I have to take care of them. Believe it or not, I was the planned one.
Ash: coolstorybro.
Brock: And I wish to become the president of the Unified States.
Ash: That’s… um, cool?
Brock: Just kidding, Unified States sucks, Kanto is so much better.
Ash: Okay, can we battle?
Brock: Sure.
Misty: GO ASH, HONEY, I LOVE YOU!!!

Battle begins.

Ash sends out Pik-achu.
Brock sends out Starly.

Pik uses stab.
Pik pulls out the Rebellion Claymore, slices Starly’s arm off, causing blood to drip from his ears, giving Starly the biggest boner kill ever.

CRITICAL HIT!

Starly uses rest.
Starly took out some of it’s literature homework, and fell fast asleep, going from 13/206 to 14/206.

Pik uses cry.
Pik uses a fatal cry that causes nightmares about the dead, and entities into the minds of the sleeping.

Starly has a nightmare and explodes.

Battle ends.

Brock: You beat me…? What the fuck, that guy who sold me this stupid Starly from Sinnoh over eBay owes me my $63478 back! Fucking Sinnohbian’s.
Ash: Now, I would like the Dragon Ball.

Ash received the Dragon Ball No. 1.

Brock: May I accompany you on your journey?
Ash: Sure!
Brock: Man, you sure got one hot mama. I’d love to spread her buttcheeks with maple syrup, and eat chocolate chips out of her corn hole.
Ash: That’s my fucking girlfriend you dick!
Brock: Oh, okay. But can I still come? LOL! I said cum.
Ash: Mmk… Only if you be my bitch and make us food.
Brock: Oh, I took seven years of home ec!
Ash: Is that even possible?
Brock: No, I was the best cook in the class, I just put poison in my food so I would get a fail and get to repeat the class so I can cook more!
Ash: Kaykay. Let’s go to Pewter City.

Ash, Misty, and Brock continue their journey to Pewter City. Will Brock ever get a new Starley? Will Ash and Misty ever get married? Will Justin Bieber ever hit puberty? All these answers and more will be revealed in later chapters.

End of chapter four.

Chapter 6

Ash and friends leave the hotel.

Brock: How long were you guys at it?
Ash: Like six and a half hours.
Brock: What the fuck? HOLY SHIT, THAT CHICK IS HOT! I’ll be right back.

Brock runs up to this chick.

Brock: Hi.
Chick: Hi?
Brock: I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus. Please help me with my mission!
Chick: Um, excuse me?
Brock: Wanna see my HARD drive? I promise you it’s not three and a half inches and it ain’t floppy!
Chick: What the fuck is your problem?
Brock: You’re a C-cup aren’t you?
Chick: How do you know?
Brock: My testicles are the same size!
Chick: WHAT THE FUCK?!
Brock: I would love to insert my seminal vesicle into your cervix and fill you with my stimatism.
Chick: Pervert.
Brock: Got two nipples for a dime?
Chick: I am gonna call rape!
Brock: I want to stick my P in your V and let out my EC.
Chick: What the hell is EC?
Brock: Ejaculation cream.
Chick: EWW!!!
Brock: Your dad must be a baker, because you’ve got a nice set of buns!
Chick: Okay, seriously fuck right off.
Brock: I want to spread your vertical lips and fill it with my white saliva.
Chick: RAPE!!!

Officer Jenny walks up.

Jenny: WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?
Chick: This pervert is using the worst, and most foul pick up lines on me!
Jenny: You’re going to jail punk.
Brock: FUCK!

Brock gets hand cuffed and taken to jail.

Ash and Misty are walking to the gym.

Ash: I didn’t know if I should laugh or be sad…
Misty: Ah, his pick up lines were fucking hilarious!

Ash and Misty walk into the gym.

An old man comes and talks to Ash.

Old Man: Hello! Befo’ yo’ take awn the leader, yo’ fou’ gotta take out on of ma friendz befo’ him man!
Ash: Okay… Bye.
Old Man: Cya ma homie!
Ash: Trying to relate, haha.
Misty: Mhm. Hahahaha.

Ash walks up.

Trainer: You look like a transvestite. Let’s battle!
Ash: Oh, you’re going down for that you piece of shit.

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash pushes the trainer into the water.

BATTLE ENDS.

Ash walks up to the leader.

Leader: Oh look, it’s my bitchy little hooker sister, Misty!
Misty: FUCK YOU, YOU GIGANTIC PIECE OF DOG SHIT.
Ash: Ladies please! Leader, I don’t know your name, but I challenge you to a battle, I need the second dragon ball!
Leader: Alrighty.

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash uses Pik-achu.
Leader uses Starmie.

Pik uses quick attack.
Pik started vanishing into thin air and appearing all over the place, uppercutting Starmie in the jewel thing, and then cutting one of his arms off.

CRITICAL HIT! IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

Starmie uses splash.
Starmie calls forth the power of Neptune and sends a drop of water towards Pik-achu.

Pik-achu avoided the attack!

Pik uses punch.
Pik rips it’s hand through Starmie’s asshole and rips out it’s inside jewel.

Starmie faints.

BATTLE ENDS.

Leader: Shit, I don’t care anyways. Here you go, here’s the second dragon ball, and $47485. Now gtfo.
Ash: That’s it? I am disappoint.
Misty: Trollolololololol.
Ash: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!
Misty: Nyan nyan nyan nyan!
Ash: Pedobear is over there!
Leader: Shut the fuck up with the memes, now gtfo.

Ash and Misty leave the gym.

Ash: Where’s Brock?
Misty: He’s in jail, remember?
Ash: Oh yeah…

End of chapter.

Chapter 7

Ash and Misty go to the jail.

Ash: Hi, I’d like to pay bale for Brock Obama.
Cop: Yes. Here is the keys.
Misty: You mean “Here ARE the keys”?
Cop: That’s what I did said, idiot.
Misty: You suck at grammar.
Cop: That’s isn’t what your mother say to me last night.
Misty: Fuck you, fag.
Cop: I’d would love to do this.
Ash: Here’s the $500.

Ash and Misty walk to the cell.

Ash: Everyone should be a Pokemon trainer! Easiest way to make money.
Misty: Mhm.

Officer Jenny came up to Ash and Misty.

Jenny: May I help you?
Ash: We are here to release Brock.
Jenny: Oh my gosh, are you serious?
Ash: …yes…
Jenny: You wanna know what he said to me?
Ash: Sure!

FLASHBACK BEGINS.

Brock: Oh man, I’m good at math, Officer… Jenny was it?
Jenny: Mhm, and good for you?
Brock: Yeah, U plus I equals 69. (U+I=69)
Jenny: You’re fucking disgusting.
Brock: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Jenny: Never heard that one before.
Brock: Oh, sorry. I’d put U between F and CK, how’s that?
Jenny: You’re stupid.
Brock: Wanna play leapfrog naked?
Jenny: GTFO kid.
Brock: There’s a party tonight!
Jenny: Where?
Brock: In your mouth and I’m cumming!
Jenny: I don’t get it…
Brock: If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.
Jenny: That’s nasty!
Brock: I just shit my pants, can I get into yours?
Jenny: You could only wish.
Brock: I’m no weather man, but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight!
Jenny: Huh?
Brock: You must work at Subway, because you just gave me a footlong!
Jenny: You’re terrible at this.
Brock: Why do I have a pierced tongue? You’ll soon find out.
Jenny: Pervert.
Brock: If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Jenny: Good one.
Brock: The word of the day is legs, so let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
Jenny: No.
Brock: Hey babe, nice legs. What time do they open?

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Jenny: That fucker is perverted out of his mind!
Ash: Yeah… We know. Can you just free him?
Jenny: Fine.
Brock: HEY ASH! Let’s go to Cerulean City.
Ash: Okay.

So the friends left for Cerulean City.

Ash: We’re here!

Ash walked into the gym.

End of chapter.

Chapter 8:

Gym Leader is masturbating.

Gym Leader: Welcome to my humble a-chode!
Ash: Oh, yeah, you know yeah that’s- that’s just hilarious! It’s kinda not cool to make fun of your chode.

Misty whispers to Brock.

Misty: Ash’s dick is so big!
Brock: How big is it?
Misty: With a boner, four inches!
Brock: That’s a chode…

Gym Leader: I do not own a chode! My penis is extremely huge. Just wait, I’m about to- OOOOOOOHHHH!

Gym Leader has a heart attack.

Ash: What just happened?
Misty: I think the fact that this gym leader has been masturbating for 69 days straight, that he died of starvation!
Ash: How do you know it’s exactly 69?
Brock: Hehe, 69.
Misty: Because it says so right on the calender! 69 and counting!

Some black guy comes up.

Blacky: Yo ma fuckuhz, bitch. I awm teh new leader uh’ this gym biatchez. I rule awl. This wigger wuz ma homie and said if he dies I can have thu gym!
Ash: Um, okay. I’m your contestant Ash.
Blacky: Yo, white fou’. Befo’ this shit goez awn. Can yo’ white ass make me sum black mans kool-aid?
Ash: Jeez man, calm down. And fuck no!

Blacky pulls out a gun.

Blacky: Fou’, make me sum kool-aid or I’ll blow yo’ nigguh ass up!
Brock: Here’s some Kool-Aid!

Brock hands him some kool-aid.

Ash: Blacky! That wasn’t even funny!
Blacky: Your sex mask is unfunny nigger tits.
Ash: Shut up, you racist douche.
Blacky: My ass is in yoru mouthax.
Ash: What the fuck did you just say?
Blacky: Cum on man, les just battle!

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash sends out Pik-achu.
Blacky sends out Throbbing Erection.

Ash: What the fuck? Anyways, Pik, use punch!

Misty: That’s a fucked up Porkemon.
Brock: Correction, that is a Digimon!

Pik runs up toward the erection and punches it in it’s hepatitis.
CRITICAL HIT!

Throbbing Erection uses Cunt Thrust.
The Throbbing Erection goes for Pik’s anus. It tries to skeet it’s manly juices in the ejaculatory sense onto Piks face.

Ash: Quick Pik, DO A BARREL ROLL!

Pik does a barrel roll.
The Throbbing Erection blows out it’s load all over Brock’s Ranch Dressing Salad.

Brock: Kay wow buddy, I spent a shitload of time preparing that for tonight. Eh, I’ll just give it to the church ladies for the next funeral!

Ash: Now Pik, use thunder shock!!!
Pik descends up ontop of Mount Hylia and calls forth the power of Electro, and releases it upon the Throbbing Erection.
IT’S SUPER FUCKING EFFECTIVE!

The Throbbing Erection turned into mush and died.

Blacky: Fuck, I spent a hoe’ night clonin’ that bastuhd! Hye yo’ go fou’, the gay ass nigger ball.

BATTLE ENDS.

Ash: Fuck you man, the Dragon Ball isn’t for niggers and it’s an extremely prize possession!
Blacky: Look niggur, I have no damned idea whut you talkin’ bout nigguh. I mean, my white cracker friend The Jackson and me got into an argument about this chick with the big boobiez. What a white cracka she was. Me and her were fuck buddies for atleast two days and then it got to the point where’ the hoe gave me a hand job, but no fucka, I wanted tha blaow job! But then she wuz really satisfyin’ when I titty fucked her and her titties were BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP everywhere all fffffrrrrbbbblllling in ma face nigguh! And then the fucken Jackson cums alawng and fucken fucks her up the ass! Dumb broad cheated on me! She reminds me of you.
Ash: Well, I don’t know what the fuck that has to do with anything, but okay! See ya later.
Blacky: Peace Niggur. That’s yow new nick name biatch!

Ash, Misty, and Brock left the gym.

Misty: Great job in there Ash! Time for the next gym.
Ash: RIGHT!

End of chapter 8.

Chapter 9:

Ash and friends were walking down the road to the next city, and then suddenly…

Ash: What the fuck is this?
Brock: I think it’s a Snorlax.
Misty: He’s fat! Tee hee.

A SLEEPING PORKEMON BLOCKS THE WAY.

Blacky comes running up.

Blacky: Yo my nigletz! Fou’ this fucken Prokmen won’t gtfo with awout a Porke Flute! Yo nigguh ass can get won frum fightin’ that crackuh ova there. C’ya later ma homiez.

Blacky ran away.

Ash: I really can’t understand him…

Ash walked up to the trainer.

Ash: Hey, can I get that Porke Flute off of you?

Ash walked infront of him.

Trainer: Your virginity is around here! Let’s battle!
Ash: Wait, what did you say about my virginity?
Trainer: You’re violating the terms of a trainer battle, let’s battle!
Ash: NO! Not until you tell me what the hell you just said.
Trainer: If you delay the battle, I’m gonna have to call Officer Jenny on you!
Brock: OH MY GOSH, OFFICER JENNY. MY PENIS IS OUTTA CONTROL!!!

Brock falls on the ground and starts spazzing out.

Ash: What did you mean my virginity is around here?
Trainer: Look fool, my psychic Porkemon told me that red headed nympho chick holds your virginity. Let’s battle!
Ash: Just wait…
Trainer: No waiting! Let’s battle!
Ash: Fuck sakes, fine!

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash sent out Pik-achu.
Trainer sent out Charmew.

Ash: Alrighty Pik, hit him with a slash!
Pik enlarges it’s claws to triple their original size, runs up and engraves it’s name into Charmew’s anus.
CRITICAL!

Trainer: Alright Charmew, hit him with a defense curl!
Charmew enhances it’s defense.

Ash: What a pussy move!

Three hours later.

Ash: One more hit… and your fucking Charmew is dead!
Trainer: Alright Charmew, return! I send out Charmew but with a nickname, Charmoo!
Ash: OH, COME ON!!!

Three hours later.

Ash: Hehe, no more wimping outta this one bitch!
Trainer: Alright Charmoo, return! I send out Charmew but with a nickname, Zenalubo!
Ash: WHAT THE FAWK!!!!

Three hours later.

Ash: You better not be a pussy and pull him again, you haven’t even attacked me once, you just keep enhancing their defense!
Trainer: Alright Zenalubo, return! I sent out Charmew but with a nickname, Richy!
Ash: Sigh.

Ash chooses run from the battle.
CANNOT RUN FROM A TRAINER BATTLE.

Ash: WOW, WHAT A FATAL FUCKING FLAW!

Three hours later.

Ash: About… fucking time.
Trainer: Alright Richy, return! I sent out Charmew but with a nickname, Orlando!
Ash: WHAT!!!

Three hours later.

Ash: HAHA! That’s your last Porkemon and you can’t escape now!
Trainer: I have one Max Potion To All, so haha, jokes on you!

Trainer uses Max Potion to All.
Charmew’s health is fully restored.
Charmoo’s health is fully restored.
Zenalubo’s health is fully restored.
Richy’s health is fully restored.
Orlando’s health is fully restored.

Ash: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, DAMN FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FUCKING HACKER!

Meanwhile Brock is laying on the ground masturbating to a picture of Officer Jenny.
Misty is rubbing her vag with her whole hand as fast as she can because this is the time her and Ash usually engage in sexual intercourse.

Fifteen hours later.

Ash: HAHA! You have no items left, and all of your Porkemon are almost dead.
Trainer: Shit, I thought you wouldn’t have made it this far.

Five minutes later.

Trainer: FUCK, you beat me! Here you go, $285925932 and a Porke Flute.
Ash: FINALLY!

BATTLE ENDS.

Ash: Misty, me so hawrny, let’s go fuck!
Brock: Can I jump in this time?
Ash: No! What are you gay?! Just go ask Officer Jenny if you can buy her a drink and try and hit it off!
Brock: Okay.

Ash and Misty set up tent, and then kept fucking, and Brock went to find Officer Jenny.

Brock: Hey, uh, Officer Jenny, I feel terrible about the way I was. You see, I was drugged and it caused me to completely turn into something I was not. So, is it possible to buy you a drink?
Officer Jenny: Fine, alright. But you have to promise you won’t say those nasty things to me!
Brock: Alright!

They went to a bar.

Brock: I’ll go get us some drinks, what do you want?
Officer Jenny: Vodka and Orange Juice please!
Brock: Alrighty!

Brock went and got it, and then laughed, and then came back.

Brock: Here you go!
Officer Jenny: What was so funny?
Brock: Oh, uh, you had to be there to know what was so funny! Just one of the moments where you had to be there and experience the action, you know?
Officer Jenny: Alright.

The drank their drinks.

Officer Jenny: Hoooly fuck Brock I never realized you wur so hawt… you wanna fuck at my place?
Brock: Fuck yes I do.

They went to her place. They banged, Brock lost his virginity, and they kept banging, and now this.

Officer Jenny: OH, YES YES YES!!! AWAWH!
Brock: I have something to tell you.
Officer Jenny: Yesss my sweet sexy horny big cocked love?
Brock: I put the date rape drug in your drink.
Officer Jenny: Who cares, I’m finally getting laid!
Brock: You’ve never gotten laid?
Officer Jenny: Nope, I got small tits… ahahhaa, OH, I just came.
Brock: Me too. Hahahhaa!

Officer Jenny passed out. Brock was proud of himself. He walked back to the tent.

Brock: You guys, I got laid! Um, guys?
Ash: Hold on, we’re almost done!
Brock: Guy’s, I’ve been gone for 11 hours!
Ash: We know!

Four hours later.

Ash: We’re done!
Brock: About time! I fucked Jenny.
Misty: Woah, really?!
Brock: Yeah, I put rufees in her drink.
Ash: LOL! Okay, well let’s get a move on.

Ash played the Porke Flute to the fat ass Snorlax.
Snorlax awoke and flew away.

Ash: LET’S GO!

End of chapter 9.

Chapter 10:

Snorlax was flying with Whorelax because they make a romantic couple. They landed on top of mount Porkonia.

Snorlax: Shawty, get me some food.
Whorelax: Get off your fat fucking ass and make some!
Snorlax: Want me to hurt you?
Whorelax: With your penis inside my vagina, yes.

Snorlax’s erection dropped out from his stomach.
Whorelax’s vagina hole opened.

Snorlax laid on the ground, and Whorelax started bouncing on him.
Snorlax’s face looked as if it resembled an internet phenomenon. TROLLOLOL!
Whorelax’s vagina started creating fluids, making her vagina very nice and lubricated.

Snorlax: *Gasp* THIS… IS… AMAZING!!! *Gasp*
Whorelax: I’m ABOUT TO GOOO!!!

Whorelax orgasmed, but the thing is, her vagina was so lubricated and slippery, that she squirted and flew off of Snorlax into the distance.

Snorlax: Fuck sakes, I didn’t finish, and I’m too fat to masturbate!

Meanwhile, Ash and friends made their way to the next gym.

Ash: So Brock, Officer Jenny was a virgin?
Brock: Fuck yeah! I hold her virginity, and she holds mine!
Misty: Brock, how long did you guys last?
Brock: Many hours!
Misty: HAHA! She wasn’t a virgin then…
Brock: How so?
Misty: Because you can tell if a girl is a virgin, her hymen busts and it bleeds and it gets all over your penis… was there blood on your dick?
Brock: Nope!
Misty: And if she lasted that long… then yeah, she’s not a virgin.
Brock: Well, we did many things!
Ash: What exactly did you do?
Brock: She sucked my dick, I deep-throated her, and then I licked that pussy up, but I put a grape dental dam infront of it. I then stuck my dick in her vagina, and she was wearing a female condom, and then she took it out, then I used a guy condom, and it was banana flavoured! Then I took my dick out and she sucked me off, and then we pussy-slash-cock fucked for a long time!
Ash: Umm, what the fuck?!
Brock: Safety first, you never want to get a chick pregnant! Because when that happens, you’ll have to marry the girl, and when you marry her, she moves in with you, and then your best friend also known as your roommate Billy will have to move out, and then that one day you will be so gloriously wondering what awesome things Billy is doing to that day.
Ash: I really don’t understand you, anyways here we are.

There was a puzzle on the door, it wouldn’t open. It would not budge, Ash ran into the tall grass and found a sign. It read: Dumbasses, look to the north star and grant it power of the gods and you will find the way.

Ash: That’s a very difficult puzzle, what on earth could it mean?
Misty: That’s a tough one!

Ash and Misty took several hours debating on what the sign could mean, and even got into an argument about how much a hockey puck weighs.

Ash: No, no, NO! A puck can’t be more than five pounds! If it was over five pounds, it would be hard as shit to shoot with a hockey stick!
Misty: Well, gosh! I don’t play sports, I didn’t fucking know!

Brock walks over.

Brock: You guys done yet? There’s a diamond hanging down on the ceiling above the door!
Ash: Wow, north star… grant the power of the gods…? I GOT IT!

Ash sent out Pik-achu.

Ash: Alright Pik, send a bolt of thunder towards the diamond star!
Pik: Pik-a?
Ash: JUST DO IT!!!

Pik-achu did that.
The door opened.

Ash: Great thinking Pik!
Brock: Yeah, Pik! Great thinking!
Misty: You guys are retarded.

They walked in.

Gym Leader: Hello my good friends. I am the gym leader, Cornelius, as in Jared ‘Cornelius’ Porchea Derek Jackson James Lucas Wellingtonworth. May I interest you in some lima beans?
Ash: Um, no… I’m here for the Dragon Ball!
Gym Leader: Ha ha ha! I don’t battle by the way, I ask questions. If you get three of the five correct, you will win the Dragon Ball.
Ash: Alright! Ask away!
Gym Leader: Alright, question number one. If a virgin has sex with a nonvirgin, does that make the nonvirgin a virgin again?
Ash: No… that just makes the nonvirgin a holder of the virgin’s virginity.
Gym Leader: Correct! Question number two. If Kim who is half as old as Bobby, who’s two years older than twelve year old Tori, for howmany more months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape?
Ash: 108.
Gym Leader: Correct! Question number three. A famous man once said: “All things appear and disappear because of the occurence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone, everything is in relation to everything else.” Who was the man who said this?
Ash: Umm… what?
Gym Leader: WRONG! One strike!
Ash: Fuck sakes.
Gym Leader: Question number four. How many teeth does a white cat have?
Ash: Um, I have no idea!
Gym Leader: WRONG! Two strikes! How come you know so much about a black cock, but not a white pussy? Anyways-
Ash: What does this have to do with a black rooster?!
Gym Leader: Let me finish, if you don’t get this next question correct, no Dragon Ball for you.
Ash: Alright, hit me.
Gym Leader: Do I have a penis or a vagina?
Ash: You’re a guy, you have a penis.
Gym Leader: That is correct! Here is the Dragon Ball, and $69236.
Ash: YEAH!

Ash and friends left the gym, where will their journey take them next? Find out in the next chapter of Porkemon!

End of chapter.

Chapter 11:

Ash, Brock, and Misty were attending sex ed class.

Teacher: OKAY KIDS, SO CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THE AVERAGE PENIS SIZE IS FOR A TWELVE YEAR OLD MALE WHEN ERECT?
Misty: Five inches!
Teacher: THAT IS CORRECT, MISTY. HERE YOU GO, ONE FREE CONDOM.
Misty: I don’t believe in condoms.
Teacher: WHY NOT?
Misty: Because not only do they fail 100 percent of the time, but they can get so tight around your boyfriends girthy little penis and can make it pop off.
Teacher: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Misty: My ex, he holds my virginity. We had sex about ten times, not as much as me and Ash-
Class: OOOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!
Ash: Shut up, niggers.
Misty: So, the last time we did it, someone mixed marijuana juice inside my beer, and that fucked-
Teacher: LANGUAGE MA’AM! I’M GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU A NAME AND A CHECK, SO YOU HAVE A FIFTEEN MINUTE DETENTION!
Ash: That’s fucking stupid!
Teacher: SAME TO YOU, YOUNG SIR.
Misty: Anyways, he used a condom, like every other time, and then after we were done his face turned purple and his penis popped off.
Teacher: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED YOU WERE HALLUCINATING, BECAUSE YOU WERE HIGH?
Misty: No… I fell asleep and forgot I was high, LOL!!!
Teacher: ANYWAYS, KIDS, I WILL TEACH YOU ABOUT CONDOMS. CAN WE HAVE A VOLUNTEER?

Brock puts his hand up.

Teacher: COME UP HERE, BROCK!
Brock: Kaykay.
Teacher: SO, DEMONSTRATE HOW TO PUT A CONDOM ON.
Brock: What do I use?
Teacher: YOU’RE THE CLASS CLOWN, SO YOUR PENIS. HAHA!
Brock: This is the first time I’ve been here…
Teacher: TOO BAD!

Brock pulls down his pants, and the class starts laughing.

Guy 1: HAHAHA! I WAS THAT SMALL WHEN I WAS TEN!
Brock: Fuck you! I-
Guy 2: Oh, you’d like that! But thing is, would he feel ya?!
Class: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Teacher: CLASS, ENOUGH! HIS PENIS IS AVERAGE SIZE FOR THE AVERAGE CHINK.
Brock: Yeah, ya dumb ass white boys.
Teacher: LANGUAGE! YOU GET A DETENTION TOO!
Brock: Sigh… fine.
Teacher: NOW PUT THIS CONDOM ON.

Brock puts on the condom.

Teacher: CONDOMS ARE LIKE APPETIZERS, AFTER YA USE ‘EM, THEY MAKE THE PENIS FLAVORED.
Class: OOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOO!!!
Misty: ME GUSTA!

Brock let a rip.

Teacher: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! AND YOUR PUNISHMENT IS TO CUNT THRUST ME.
Brock: What?!
Class: OOOOOOOOooooooo AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Teacher: I TEACH THIS CLASS, AND I MANIPULATE ONE STUDENT EVERY CLASS JUST TO GET SOME TIGHT LITTLE BOY DINKS IN MA ANUS.
Brock: You’re fucking fifty, I don’t wanna fuck a gilf!
Teacher: SECURITY!

Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan come and guard the window and door.

Teacher: NOW, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO BANG ME, AND YOU SHALL NOT PASS THE DOOR UNTIL YOU DO SO, AND THE REST OF THE CLASS MUST WATCH.
Class: EWW!
Ash: What… the… fuck?

Brock inserts his cock into the gilf’s rectum, and after ten minutes, she shit squirted.

Brock goes flying into the wall with shit / jizz all over him.

Brock: UAGLH, WHAT THE FAWWWK!
Teacher: AHH, THE OL’ ANNUAL SHIT SQUIRT! HAVEN’T HAD ONE IN AGES!
Ash and Misty: I cannot believe what I just saw.

Half the class is petrified from the horror of seeing a granny getting analed infront of them.

Ash: Fuck this, I’m going to go get the next Dragon Ball.
Jackie Chan: HOYA! Yo’ durg, I ram hrere to rannounce dat Ire havre the nexsht Drrrragon Barl. Yur musht find mre at tre top orf tre Team Rocket Headquarters. Frind me dere.
Ash: DEAL!

Ash, Misty, and Brock left the school, and went walking towards Team Rocket Headquarters. They walked inside.

Front Office Lady: Hello! How may I help you today?
Ash: Sup? Listen, we-
Brock: ASH, I’ll handle this! Sup babe? So me and my homies are tryna get to the top of this building to get to Jackie Chan and get the Dragon Ball, here’s $400… Now, let’s go to the back and finish the job while they go get the ball, hehehe.
Front Office Lady: Alright, come with me!

Brock and the lady went in the back room.
Ash and Misty went in the elevator, and clicked the button that said “DO NOT TOUCH”.

Misty: Ash, what’re you doing?!
Ash: Misty, it’s where the top is. Every big company elevator has a button that says that that takes you to the secret layer.
Misty: Good thinking!

Meanwhile, Brock and the lady were in the back room.
Brock strips.

Brock: Fuck yeah baby, I am SO READY! Let’s do this!
Front Office Lady: Alright sexy.

The lady takes off her shirt, perfect breasts.
Brock has a boner now.

Brock: KEEP IT COMING!
Front Office Lady: Close your eyes, and I’ll tell ya when to open.
Brock: Alright!

Brock closes his eyes.
The lady takes off her pants, and turns out to have a penis. She inserted her penis inside Brock’s penis.

Brock: AOWOAIOHYISEUHJ, WHAT THE FAAACK!
Front Office Gayfag: Hahaha, I’m a transvestite, so not only am I penetrating you through your penis, but you are paralyzed until I am done!

Meanwhile, Ash and Misty make it to the top and fine Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan: Wercome! Sho anerays, Ire wirr give you tre Drrrragon Barr, if yur can girve me $2 Porke Dorrars!
Ash: Deal!

Ash obtained the fifth Dragon Ball.

Ash: TWO TO GO!

End of chapter 11.

Chapter 12:

Ash and Misty are about to leave the building when…

Brock: AAUAUUUUGHGHHHHHHHHH, IT HURTS TOO GOOD! ASH, MISTY, TITFACES, HELP!!!
Ash: WTF? I heard Brock.
Misty: Sounds like it’s coming from in there.

Ash and Misty burst the door open, and they see Brock getting penetrated through his penis.

Ash: What the fuck…
Misty: How is that even possible??!!
Brock: Please… just do something.
Front Office Gayfag: Sup? Never seen a man get penetrated through his dick before?
Ash: That has to be the most fucked up thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen my mom getting assfucked.
Misty: I have no comment.
Brock: Challenge this fag to a battle… please, I’m going to cry.
Ash: Alright, I challenge you to a fight, you gay fag!
Front Office Gayfag: Actually, Gayfag is just one word. My parents originally called me Gaylord, but I preferred Gayfag since I am actually a homosexual.
Ash: Let’s fight.
Front Office Gayfag: You seem anally induced to ejaculation, let’s battle!
Ash: People get worse with fighting words every time!

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash used drop kick.
Ash dodged Gayfag’s punch and then did a flip and then jump kicked Gayfag right to the nose, and Gayfag goes down.

CRITICAL!

Gayfag: That hurt you cunt monk! Let’s fucking go!

Gayfag used slap dat ass.
Gayfag ran at light speed in circles around Ash to confuse him, and then got behind him and slapped his ass.

It’s not very effective… infact, it makes you seem gay.
Gayfag: But I am gay!

Ash: You fucking faggot ass.

Ash used quarter back sack.
Ash grabbed a football, and punted the ball into Gayfag’s scrotum.

Gayfag: OMFG… uaguh, I- can… not… breathe!

Gayfag surrendered. Ash got $29569.

BATTLE ENDS.

Gayfag: I’m sorry you guys, I’m just a very confused transexual, I’m really a female stuck in a mans body! But with a nice rack and ass and all that. I will grant you one wish for $4000.
Ash: What’s the $4000 for?
Gayfag: A sex change.
Ash: Easy, we get tons of money from battles, so here ya go.

Ash handed the Gayfag $4000. -_-“

Gayfag: So, what is your wish?
Ash: Where is the next Dragon Ball?
Gayfag: LOL, one of my nuts is a Dragon Ball, my mother was a tree, while my father was a dragon. Here you go.

Ash got Dragon Ball No. 6

Ash: But wait, I thought you can only get Dragon Balls from gyms?
Gayfag: Actually, Team Rocket Headquarters is a double gym, so yeah… Anyways, are we good?
Ash: Not exactly, where is the next Dragon Ball?
Gayfag: Look for Jessy and James, they should be on top of the headquarters trying to fix the Telephone Communication Deputy Device.
Ash: What is that?
Gayfag: No idea, just go ask them, they will tell you.

Ash, Misty, and Brock walked towards the elevator. Ash pressed ROOF button.
They walked out onto the roof to meet Jessy.

Ash: Hi, where is the next Dragon Ball?
Jessy: Oh, we can tell you that! But on one condition.
Ash: What?
Jessy: You give us that healthy looking Pik-achu.
Ash: No.
Jessy: Fine, no Dragon Ball from my assistant James-
Ash: Where’s James!
Jessy: SHIT, JAMES, RUN!

Ash: AFTER HIM!

And the chase was on.

End of chapter.

Chapter 13:

James was running towards the end of the building. Ash and Misty were chasing them.

Misty: Um… BLUAGH!

Misty puked up a bunch of disgusting puke.

Misty: Ugh, must be dehydrated! I must run to the bathroom, gotta pee! Be right back!
Ash: Um, kay?

Misty runs to the bathroom. Ash corners James.

Ash: You’re mine James!
James: Shit fuck. Guess I’m fucked? I’ve never gotten fucked so hard in my life. Fuck. ZACH-ROM, I FUCKING CHOOSE FUCKING YOU!
Ash: You’re going to fuck your Zach-rom?
Jessy: No, he’s just mentally deficient and says fuck in every sentence.
James: Jessy, fucking shut the fucking fuck up, you fuck fuck.
Ash: Let’s get this battle going!

Ash’s Porkegear rings.

Ash: Shit, wait. Hello?
???: HEY ASH!
Ash: Gary Motherfucking Oak? What do you want?
Gary: Ash, I am about to beat the final member of the Elite 4!
Ash: What’s the Elite 4?
Gary: Oh Ash, instead of collecting those retarded fantasy Dragon Scrotums from the gyms, I’ve been collecting badges! I’ve made it the final battle. You must come watch me in action.
Ash: I will as soon as I finish this battle!
Gary: Alright!
Ash: Sorry, now where were we?

Jessy and James were having sex.

Ash: Fuck! Hurry up.

James went behind Jessy, bent her over, and stuck his self-reported 9.75 inch erection inside of her rectum. He kept going, until he jizzed which took 4 hours.

Ash: Fuck, hurry up!
James: AHH, THAT WAS GREAT!

James pulled his dick out only to see there was feces all over his penis.

James: Jessy, what the fuck! Clean it up!

Jessy grabbed James’s cock and shoved it deep into her throat.

James: Just like that! Wait until I jizz again!
Ash: Fuck sakes.
James: Oh man, this’ll take awhile, and she sure loves the taste of shit on my dick! Perfect flavour!
Ash: Um, good to know.

Four hours later, she takes her mouth off of his dick, and his dick is shining clean and very veiny.

Ash: This is more disturbing than seeing your mom do it…

James put his clothes on. Misty came back from the bathroom.

Ash: Misty, what took so damn long?!
Misty: I took a piss, drank four gallons of Sunny D and had to piss even more, and passed out, and I woke up five minutes ago.
James: Alright, you look like a bitch, let’s battle!
Ash: BRING. IT. ON.

BATTLE BEGINS.

Ash sends out Pik.

Ash: Pik, use AK-47 ATTACK!
Pik: Pikmintendo-achu?

Ash threw Pik an AK-47.
Pik blew the fuck out of Zach-rom.

Zach-rom dies.

BATTLE ENDS.

James: This is how it has to end, Zach-rom… I’m sorry… I’ll never forget you.
Ash: Now, the Dragon Ball.
James: Here you go.

Ash RECEIVED DRAGON BALL No. 7.

Ash: YES!
Misty: LET’S USE THEM.

Ash calls out the Dragon from within the balls.

Dragon: What is it, Ashton?
Ash: Can you bring my mom back to life?
Dragon: I cannot Ashton, do you not remember Dr. ChOak telling you that you must defeat the almighty being?
Ash: Now I kinda do…
Dragon: That is because he holds all of my power. You beat him, and your mother will be alive and well.
Ash: OKAY! Wait, there’s something missing…
Misty: What?

TO HAVE ASH TALK ABOUT HIS DAILY MASTURBATION IN THE SHOWER, TEXT PORKE MON 1.
TO HAVE MISTY SQUIRT NEXT TIME ASH AND HER BANG, TEXT PORKE MON 2.
TO GIVE BROCK HIS FIRST LINE OF THE CHAPTER, TEXT PORKE MON 3.

THANKS FOR VOTING!

Brock: This is gonna be intense!
Ash: Alright Dragon, take me to the almighty being.
Dragon: Granted.

Ash, Misty, and Brock were warped somewhere familiar.

Ash: I’ve seen this place on TV…
???: ASH!

End of chapter.

Chapter 14:

Ash: What do you want… Gary Motherfucking Oak?
Gary: Well Ash, you finally found me out. KAAMMMMEEEEEHAWMEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Gary turned into the most foul beast ever…

Misty: What is it?!

Ash took out his PorkeDex.

PorkeDex: Consome Panchi, an extremely rare type of nigger and the most foul beast on this planet.
Ash: Fuck.

Ash took matters into his own hand. He wish for Mosuyuki Hiyama Wondisimo, the knight who once slayed Consome Panchi’s ancestors.

Mosuyuki: I am here. WHAT’S GOING ON, CONSOME PANCHI?
Consome Panchi: You fuckers have brought me here. With the power of the Porkemon I will rule all!
Mosuyuki: I slayed you once before, and I’ll do it again. Wait, who’s this douche coming onto the field?!

Some random guy walks onto the battle field.

???: I am Bzilla “Buzz Killa”.
Ash: Why are you called Buzz Killa?
Bzilla: You’ll find out soon.
Mosuyuki: ENOUGH! This foul beast must be slayed before it uses this planet as it’s vessel to find the cross dimension portal to get to the Mushroom Kingdom!
Brock: I miss my Starmy…
Consome Panchi: You are brave, you jew monger. But not enough. Would you hear my desire? TO TAKE THIS FOUL BLADE AND USE IT TO BLOT OUT THE LIGHT FOREVER!

Epic music starts playing.

Bzilla: Alright, I know now is not the time, but… An invisible man named Max goes to the Doctor’s and tell the nurse he has an appointment. The nurse finds the doctor tells him “Doctor, Max is here.” The doctor responds with, “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Ash: Wow… that was the worst fucking joke I’ve ever heard. You are a buzzkill.
Mosuyuki: BRING IT ON, CONSOME PANCHI!

BATTLE BEGINS.

Mosuyuki used Blazing Dynamo.
Mosuyuki revealed the Blade of Tsukuyomi that he once defeated Joey Panchi with. He ran up to Consome Panchi and charged a Skyward Strike and sending it towards Consome Panchi.

It’s not very effective.

Consome Panchi: HAHAHA, YOU CALL THAT AN ATTACK? YOU WEAKLING, TASTE THIS!
Bzilla: Wait! Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was a salted.
Ash: Oh my god, you’re a bigger buzz kill than Buzz Killington.

Consome Panchi turned the sky into darkness. They could not see him because he is black. He made a tornado and very badly hurt Mosuyuki.

Critical hit!

Mosuyuki was down on the ground, about to die.

Ash: Mosuyuki!!!
Mosuyuki: Ash… I can barely move, take my blade, and fight him off. I got a plan…
Ash: What’s your plan?!
Mosuyuki: You… will find out…. soon…

Ash grabbed his blade. Ash used defend.
Ash Crossed his blade infront of his upper body so he cannot get hit.

Consome Panchi used Dragonic Starbeam.
Ash parried and hit it back.

CRITICAL HIT!

Consome Panchi was stunned.

Ash: Now what?!

Mosuyuki grabbed Consome Panchi’s tail.

Ash: What will that do?!
Mosuyuki: I did it to his ancestor… it will work, he can’t move.
Ash: Alright, here goes! ALPHA OMEGA SUPER OMNI-SLASH!!!

Ash was as fast as light. He stabbed and cut Consome Panchi several times. He landed on the ground.

Ash: I am done. Wha?!

The blade and Mosuyuki disappeared. Consome Panchi blew up.

Misty: Ash!!! You’re a hero!

The crowd was cheering.

Bzilla: What do toilets and anniversaries have in common? Men always miss them!
Ash: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

BATTLE ENDS.

Ash took out the Dragon Balls.

Dragon: WHAT IS IT, ASHTON?
Ash: I wish for my mom to be alive again.
Dragon: WISH GRANTED.

Ash’s mom was standing there alive.

Ash’s Mom: OH, ASH!
Ash: MOM!
Ash’s Mom: I have some unfinished business, I will be at home waiting for you!
Ash: Um, okay?
Misty: Now’s the best time to tell you…
Ash: What?
Misty: I’m pregnant.

DUN DUN DUN DUNNN………

Ash and Misty were in the doctor’s room getting an ultrasound while Brock was waiting outside.

Nurse Joy: Well, let me rub this cream on you.
Misty: UGHAGH, it’s cold.
Ash: Is that…?
Misty: It’s our baby… it’s beautiful!
Ash: What the fuck is that?
Nurse Joy: It’s a black Musharna!
Ash: It’s a Porkemon?!
Nurse Joy: All fetus are Porkemon!
Ash: Then why the fuck is it black?!?!
Misty: Um, Ash…
Ash: WHAT!!!
Misty: Me and Brock had sex while I went to the bathroom when you fought James!
Ash: What the fuck?! How is that even possible to be pregnant with his baby like a day later?
Nurse Joy: You idiot, warping you to Gary took three months…
Ash: FUCK!

Ash’s PorkeGear rings.

Ash: Hello?
Dr ChOak: Hello Ashton. Your mother is dead again.
Ash: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

End of series.

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