Pokemon Review #10: Caterpie


Finally, we’re out of the Starters! And we are greeted with Caterpie. Caterpie is alright, I guess. He has a nice color scheme, nothing too bad, but nothing special either. He is hella cute, but there are certainly cuter Pokemon. His stats are shit, but you find him extremely early in the game, so that’s to be expected. Plus, he evolves very quickly, although his evolved forms aren’t great stat-wise, either. Honestly, he’s kinda forgettable, but not terrible. He’s everything you’d expect from an early game Bug Pokemon.

Grade: C 


Pokemon Review #9: Blastoise


Okay, I started doing these reviews in October of 2014. I am just now finishing the Kanto Starters in August 2015. What the hell? Well, at least you’ll never have to worry about me running out of Pokemon to review by the time the 7th Generation is inevitably announced. Anyways, Blastoise. He’s pretty fucking awesome. After the disappointment that was Wartortle, we need this beast of destruction to get back on track. He has great stats, and remember how I said in my Squirtle review that turtles were some of the best animals to exist? Well, Blastoise shows you the wonders of adding cannons to the mix. Just look at the guy. I can just imagine him crushing everything in his path with his huge frame and oversized feet. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s just shooting Hydro Pumps from those cannons like nobodies business, not showing a single shred of mercy as he continues on his path of destruction. No one is safe from Blastoises wrath.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #8: Wartortle


Okay, so maybe Squirtle doesn’t get better as he evolves. Not yet, anyways. Yet again, we have an example of Middle Stage Evolution Disorder. Okay, I’ve already overused that term, so I won’t mention it again for a while, but seriously, why do so many middle stage evolutions suck compared to their first and final stages? I mean, what the hell, Wartortle? Take away the ears and the tail, and you’re just a cocky Squirtle, only not nearly as cool. I guess the fangs are alright, but nothing special. Honestly, the amount of unoriginality is disappointing this early in the Pokedex. Wartortle’s not horrible, just unimaginative, uninspired, and lazy as all hell.

Grade: D+