Pokemon Review #29: Nidoran (F)


Yeah, the female Nidoran variant isn’t very interesting. Dull shade of baby blue, awkward single buck tooth, and whiskers that idiotically look like they’re actually an extension of her skin. For some reason. Um, the ears look kind of cool I guess. Yeah, not much to say. Just a vanilla rodent.

Grade: D







Pokemon Review #28: Sandslash


Oh hell to the fuck yes! Let me just say that Sandslash is insanely underrated. Not many Pokefans seem to care about him, and that’s a crying shame. This hardass is one of my favorite Gen 1 Pokemon, period. Okay, so he’s like some bastard child of a pangolin and a porcupine. There’s one point in his favor. But not just any porcupine, because that would be stupid. No, this is a porcupine with GIANT SPIKES ON IT’S BACK! Oh yeah, and look at those huge sharp claws. And consider the fact that half of his Pokedex entries mention his spikes and claws growing back after they break. So don’t think that’s going to stop his murderous rage. This thing is a walking machine of death. Basically, Sandslash is here to fuck shit up, and your weak ass ain’t gonna stop him.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #27: Sandshrew


Sandshrew is alright. His evolution is where things really get balls to the wall amazing, though. Not that he’s bad. He’s cute and has a nice thick tail, and remember AJ? That one trainer in the anime with the overpowered Sandshrew? That was really cool. Yeah, he’s just a generic armadillo, but he could be worse. I’ll give him an average score and call it a day.

Grade: C

Pokemon Review #26: Raichu


And here we have Pikachu’s less famous older brother. Fortunately though, he’s awesome in his own right. He’s still got the lightning bolt tail, but now it’s a whip, which is great. I like the new curly ears as well, they look really distinctive. And I actually like the shift to an orange, yellow, and brown color scheme. They go well together. He’s actually decent on the battlefield too. Yeah, I love Raichu, even if he’s living in Pikachu’s shadow.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #25: Pikachu


Well, we finally get to the big one. The one Pokemon even people who don’t like Pokemon are aware of. He’s easily one of the most iconic characters in all of media, ever. But does he deserve it? You’re goddamn right he does. First of all, that lightning bolt tail is amazing, immediately signifying his status as an Electric type. Then, he’s got those cute rabbit ears and stripes on his back. And those red cheeks are essential to a design that comes together in a big way. He’s just so adorable and memorable in the anime. He’s a tad overrated, but great nonetheless.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #24: Arbok


Okay, now we’re talking. Arbok still has a cool name, and they actually added fangs this time around! And he has an actual forked snake tongue this time around intead of the boring old regular tongue Ekans had. You can’t forget about the badass facial marking either. But best of all, he’s a giant purple king cobra, and that’s just fantastic. This guy is a boss, and easily makes up for his underwhelming pre-evolution.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #23: Ekans


I’m gonna get the positives out of the way. First, snakes are cool animals. Second, I like his name (spell it backwards). Finally, purple and yellow will always be a great color scheme. It’s just too bad he drops the ball. What kind of retarded snake doesn’t have fangs? And they really could have emphasized the tongue more. Oh well, at least he gets better when he evolves.

Grade: D+

Pokemon Review #22: Fearow


Okay, this one I really like. Fearow is one of the few Pokemon that proves Normal/Flying types can be truly great. Check this: He’s got a totally rad mohawk. How can you not love a bird with a red mohawk? Or a hilariously lanky neck? Or a long ass beak? And would you look at that magnificent wingspan? Honestly, I came into this review expecting to give him a B at best and be done with it, but goddammit if I don’t love this bastard.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #20: Raticate


Okay, this is a noticeable step down. After having a cool color in the first form, he’s bafflingly a boring freaking brown. He also lost the curly tail. I guess I like how fat he is, and the fact that he’s standing upright. I also find the comically large teeth amusing. If they just would have kept the sumbitch purple, I would have loved him. As it is, he’s just a boring rat.

Grade: D+