Pokemon Review # 13: Weedle



Okay, this is actually a good caterpillar Pokemon. Sure, his stats are still shit, but honestly, I prefer Weedle to Caterpie. I like the Weedle line more than the Caterpie line in general. He’s still cute, like Caterpie (just look at that adorable red nose), but he also looks like he could actually be dangerous, with two spikes on each end of his body. Spikes that are poisonous. The best part? He evolves into something awesome.

Grade: B-


Pokemon Review #12: Butterfree


Alright, so here we have the first in a long line of butterfly/moth Pokemon. So, how does she stack up? Well, she’s not spectacular or anything, but I would call her a good Pokemon. She’s super adorable, and I like the red/blue/purple /black/white color scheme. Those big eyes really seal the cuteness factor, though. Thank god they didn’t go with realistic segmented eyes. Bye Bye Butterfree is also a great episode of the anime. All in all, a good Pokemon, but there are certainly far better Bug Types.

Grade: B

Pokemon Review #11: Metapod


Ugh, just what is this green piece of shit? To be fair, it’s hard to make a cocoon Pokemon cool, but surely they could have done a better job than this. It looks ugly as sin, and there are way too many lines on this thing. Not only that, but catching a Metapod is senseless, as it only knows Harden. You’d be better off just catching a Caterpie. The only reason I’m not giving this the dreaded F- is that it gives you a decent amount of experience for how early you encounter him. Oh, and he levels up fast as hell, so you don’t have to put up with him for long.

Grade: F

Pokemon Review #10: Caterpie


Finally, we’re out of the Starters! And we are greeted with Caterpie. Caterpie is alright, I guess. He has a nice color scheme, nothing too bad, but nothing special either. He is hella cute, but there are certainly cuter Pokemon. His stats are shit, but you find him extremely early in the game, so that’s to be expected. Plus, he evolves very quickly, although his evolved forms aren’t great stat-wise, either. Honestly, he’s kinda forgettable, but not terrible. He’s everything you’d expect from an early game Bug Pokemon.

Grade: C 

Pokemon Review #9: Blastoise


Okay, I started doing these reviews in October of 2014. I am just now finishing the Kanto Starters in August 2015. What the hell? Well, at least you’ll never have to worry about me running out of Pokemon to review by the time the 7th Generation is inevitably announced. Anyways, Blastoise. He’s pretty fucking awesome. After the disappointment that was Wartortle, we need this beast of destruction to get back on track. He has great stats, and remember how I said in my Squirtle review that turtles were some of the best animals to exist? Well, Blastoise shows you the wonders of adding cannons to the mix. Just look at the guy. I can just imagine him crushing everything in his path with his huge frame and oversized feet. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s just shooting Hydro Pumps from those cannons like nobodies business, not showing a single shred of mercy as he continues on his path of destruction. No one is safe from Blastoises wrath.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #8: Wartortle


Okay, so maybe Squirtle doesn’t get better as he evolves. Not yet, anyways. Yet again, we have an example of Middle Stage Evolution Disorder. Okay, I’ve already overused that term, so I won’t mention it again for a while, but seriously, why do so many middle stage evolutions suck compared to their first and final stages? I mean, what the hell, Wartortle? Take away the ears and the tail, and you’re just a cocky Squirtle, only not nearly as cool. I guess the fangs are alright, but nothing special. Honestly, the amount of unoriginality is disappointing this early in the Pokedex. Wartortle’s not horrible, just unimaginative, uninspired, and lazy as all hell.

Grade: D+

Pokemon Review #7- Squirtle


Okay, so who doesn’t love the little guy? If you say you don’t, I will castrate you in front of your mother. Anyway, Squirtle is awesome, and the perfect introduction to Water types. First, he’s a turtle, and as anyone with a fuctioning brain will tell you, turtles are some of the best animals to exist. He’s adorable as hell, and while some people may only like the badasses of Pokemon, I love the cute Pokemon, too. His stats are pretty good for a 1st stage evolution. And am I the only one who thinks he looks cooler than ice with his shades on? The best part is, he gets even better as he evolves.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #6: Charizard


Now we’re talking! Do I even have to explain what makes Charizard so great? Well, seeing as how this is a review, I guess I have to. There’s a small but vocal minority who believes that Charizard is overrated. He is not. Charizard is the shit. I don’t care what those people say, Charizard is one of the greatest Pokemon of all time. Everything about him is amazing.

I love Charizard’s design. First of all, his new wings are simply awesome. They add to Charizard’s draconian design, and they make him look quite intimidating. Then there’s his tail, which is much longer than his previous Evolutions. The flame at the end is also bigger, and once again, it looks awesome. I love his Mega Evolutions, too (I’ll explain why I haven’t reviewed any Megas when I’m finished reviewing all the Starters). I also love the cocky  look on his face. It’s like he’s saying “Yeah, I’m a badass, and Imma fuck your shit up. What are ya gonna do about it?”

Charizard in the anime is one of the most memorable Pokemon. Simply put, he’s a bigger dick than Charmeleon is. Seriously, he does not listen to a thing Ash tells him, and he has a complete and utter lack of respect for him. He certainly knocked Ash off his pedestal, that’s for sure. However, he has matured a lot over the series. After moving to the Charizard Valley, he grew a lot as a Pokemon. Any time Ash met up with him again, he had a lot more respect for him and grew to become a loyal companion, even if he was no longer Ash’s Pokemon.

There’s no other way to say it, Charizard is the perfect Starter. He has absolutely no flaws. Okay, so his stats aren’t as great as most people think, and according to Smogon, he’s the worst Gen 1 starter competitively. He also has a crippling 4x weakness to Rock, but screw that noise. Charizard is awesome in almost every way. There’s a reason so many people love him, even if some find him overrated. When it comes to Pokemon, it doesn’t get much better than this.

Grade: A+

Pokemon Review #5: Charmeleon


Okay, so Charmeleon suffers from Middle Stage Evolution Disorder, but only slightly. I mean, Charmander is the perfect Starter (if you like Fire Types, that is), and Charizard is incredibly awesome, one of the greatest Pokemon of all time. You really can’t blame poor Charmeleon for not living up, you know? Saying that, Charmeleon is really cool on his own merits.

First of all, I like the crest on his head and his bigger claws. It foreshadows his evolution to Charizard, which is nice. I also like how the flame on his tail got bigger. Sometimes, I love the little things like that. Some people may criticize the fact that Charmander and Charizard are the same color, while Charmeleon is a darker shade of orange, but I see that as being a unique trait.

Charmeleon in the anime was great. Seriously, he was a dick to Ash. Like, hardcore. I love it. See, while Charmander was the adorable baby dragon that adored his trainer, Charmeleon was like the teenage dragon who had no respect for anyone. Only, he didn’t really grow up once he was an adult until later in the series, but we’ll get to that in my next review. Overall, Charmeleon is another great Pokemon, even if he isn’t as memorable as the others in his evolutionary line.

Grade: A

Pokemon Review #4: Charmander


And now we move on to the Starter that almost everyone chose at the beginning of Pokemon Red/Blue. And why the hell wouldn’t he be the starter of choice for most Pokemon fans?

Bulbasaur and Squirtle are great, but Charmander is the definition of a perfect starter. He’s a Fire Type, and trying not to sound like a Genwunner, Gen 1 Fire Types are almost unanimously amazing. He’s adorable as all hell. He’s a cute baby dragon that eventually evolves into a badass adult dragon. The flame on his tail is cool (hot?) as hell. It’s also essential to his survival, as he will die if it extinguishes. Everything about his design screams awesome. And the whole Charmander line is absolutely superb.

Charmander in the anime is also great. His loyalty to Damian is heartbreaking, as Damian is a worthless trainer who vainly places emphasis on strong Pokemon instead of caring about the Pokemon he has and he has selfish motivations. When Ash rescues Charmander from a thunderstorm that he got caught in waiting for Damian, that really warmed my heart. I know there’s an Ash hate bandwagon nowadays that just loves to talk about how inferior he is to Red, but fuck those people. Actions like this are what make me love Ash. In addition, Charmander had one of my favorite voices in the anime. It was so goddamn adorable. And Charmander was the only one in his line that had any respect for Ash. Seriously, Charmeleon and Charizard were dicks.

Grade: A+